Home Alone
HEY EVERYONE!
WE ARE BACK SISTERS!
Welcome to the Lotus sisters blog! We will be sharing our experiences and opinions on different topics. We also want this to be a safe space for all of our Kreyol and Caribbean sisters to share their viewpoints while creating a sisterhood, so don’t be shy ladies! This is raw and uncut.
Growing up in a strict Caribbean household, and being a female had many challenges: The lying, the sneaking around, and the constant arguing with my parents about how they were ruining my life. I want to say we’ve all been there at some point, and although I am a little older, it doesn’t change the fact that moving out of my parents house has and always will be one of the best decisions of my life. Not because of the freedom I now had, but because I was finally able to embrace who I was without fear of being judged or shunned by my parents.
“I realized if I didn’t just go, I’d never go. Going was the key. It didn’t matter where I was headed just as long as I was headed somewhere.” Ben Davis
There are some people in this world who have amazing relationships with their parents, those who were allowed to be themselves, make mistakes, learn from them and grow from those mistakes. I didn’t have that luxury, I was kept on such a tight leash that it was even impossible to maintain my friendships. My parents lived in fear that their children would succumb to the negative aspects of life and gave us no credit at all. I could go on and on about the mentality that some of the parents in the Caribbean community have but that’s a blog for another day. All that I’m saying is, I can look back now and realize that my parents only wanted what was best for me but it doesn’t change the fact that I had to figure things out on my own because they never really taught me, I was just told what I couldn’t and shouldn’t be doing.
Before we go any further, I want it to be known that it is okay to stay home until you are 100 % ready to live on your own because it is not easy at all.
Now, I could go on and on about the struggles I went through just to go to the park or a “Bal” (Haitian Party), even while in College I had no wriggle room to be my own person, I was constantly fighting and begging my parents every day to let me be. I wanted to prove a point to my parents so I made the common mistake that young women do, and got an apartment with my then college boyfriend. HUGE MISTAKE! The relationship suffered greatly because I was not ready for such a huge commitment. I hadn’t lived my life yet, and I was still trying to find myself. And when I say “live my life” it has nothing to do with sleeping with multiple people, it has more to do with me establishing my independence on my own terms. When you live with someone you become codependent on the other person and vice versa. I left one battle ground and ultimately ended up in another one and this time I was fighting myself: I wanted to be in a relationship but I also wanted my own space. At the end of it all, I decided that I needed a do-over.
After spending 5 long years living on my “own” with my then boyfriend, I decided to end the relationship and find myself an apartment. I know I said leaving my parents house was the best decision of my life, I lied, choosing to finally let go of all toxicity out of my life and getting my own apartment has been so rewarding and here’s my list on why:
Get to know yourself
Living on your own forces you to prioritize being comfortable in your own skin and your own company. During this time you either become content with who you are or you spot certain aspects of yourself that need to be worked on.
Your hobbies and interest are your own
There are things that I’ve grown to love that my parents would not approve of and that’s okay because I no longer carry that burden.
Your time is your own
Having no one to answer to is extremely freeing. You are able to manage you brown time as you see fits.
You can face some of your fears
Any fears that you may have about bills and security vanishes after being in your house/apartment for a bit. It is scary in the beginning but it gets better.. I promise!
You learn what you are capable of
Living alone builds character. You are responsible for everything. You learn the ins and outs of budgeting, and paying bills on time.
You become comfortable being alone
This does not mean you are comfortable being a loner, it simply means that you enjoy your own company. If you aren’t comfortable being by yourself, how would someone else enjoy being with you? #foodforthought
Your house, your rules
This is self explanatory, you decide what you allow inside of your space.
Decorate based on your aesthetic
Decorating isn’t my strong suit and I learned that while living alone. I don’t like a lot of things on my walls and that’s okay, because it’s my apartment.
No compromises has to be made
You make your own schedule, you eat what you want, you clean when you want, you sleep when you want, walk around naked, have company over when you feel like it.. Get my drift?
Your confidence level increases
You gain this confidence by realizing that no matter what, you’re ok on your own.
Freedom
Your own space is the one place that you can truly be yourself, unapologetically.
You are responsible for your decisions
You tend to become the only person actively deciding where your journey ahead leads. Your desires fall into place and your dreams become realities. Every decision that is made will shape who you’re meant to be.
Become more social
Living alone actually forces you to go out more and meet new people, so you can invite them over for game night and drinks. Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.
You learn new skills
Living alone gives you the time and space to focus on new skills and whatever it is that you are passionate about without any distractions or judgement.
There is lots of privacy and personal space
This is important, because there was no such thing in my household. Living on my own taught me how important it is to have your own privacy. It helps build mental solitude.
I’ll be honest- I never thought I would be the type of person to live alone. After spending five years living with my ex-boyfriend, and prior to that living in a house full of people. The thought of renting my own apartment sounded scary and lonely as hell. But over the past year, I surprised myself with my ability to do things on my own, as well as my ability to overcome my fears and stepping out of my comfort zone. I can honestly say that I am stronger and a more independent woman than I was years ago.
Ultimately, I believe that everyone should experience living on their own before anything else. Again, I’m going to stress the fact that there’s nothing wrong with living with your parents, everyone’s experiences are different, and due to my own experiences, I decided to move out at a young age and I’ve yet to regret that decision. I may have gone through some traumatic situations but my mom was always a phone call away. I just know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I continued to stay home. Caribbean parents are not for the weak at all! We all encounter different stages in our lives, certain lifestyles don’t fit everyone and that is okay too. Living alone can be a great experience, but it shouldn’t prevent you from living with someone. That is a whole experience in itself. You can enjoy living alone, enjoy your own company until you find your life partner.
What I want all my readers to get out of this blog is that yes our parents want what is best for us, but times have changed. We are capable of making our own decisions and we shouldn’t be punished for it. All of the stereotypes that our Caribbean parents think of those who live alone are not accurate and it is up to you to decide the direction you want your life to. So get that apartment, decorate the hell out of it, have parties, find yourself, date, walk around naked, enjoy life responsibly. Don’t let your parents’ fears become yours.
I love you guys!
