Friends With Benefits: The Good, The Bad…The Truth.
HEY EVERYONE!
Welcome to the Lotus sisters blog! We will be sharing our experiences and opinions on different topics. We also want this to be a safe space for all of our Kreyol and Caribbean sisters to share their viewpoints while creating a sisterhood, so don’t be shy ladies! This is raw and uncut.
Let’s get right into it, shall we? How many of you ladies have a guy/girl who’s just a friend with benefits or who’ve had friends with benefits, and are in a relationship now? What exactly did you benefit from? & those who made it the relationship status how has things changed?
“We’re more than friends, but less than a couple.”
I think we can all agree that at some point in time we had a friend with benefits, and at the time we thought it was fun and convenient but as time progressed: kisses last longer, hugs feel different, the sex becomes more passionate, you hate when they leave and vice versa. At this point, you’ve realized that you caught “The feelings” and now you’re stuck between telling them how you feel and just going with the flow in hopes that he/she realizes what great of a catch you are. In some instances, playing the waiting game actually works, but for those of us with no such luck we end up getting hurt in the end. (Bummer, we know)
We have no idea when this concept began, but what we do know is that it was created for those who either fear commitment or who are not yet ready for a relationship but don’t want to lose you either. So they give you just enough time and attention for you to stay. Why do you think we as women accept being in these situations?? I need answers ladies!
In theory, being friends with benefits seems like a great idea. You’re sleeping with someone you like and trust enough to hang out with outside of sex , without any real obligations to this person. But in the end what did we really benefit from it? In the beginning of the situation-ship, you convince yourself that just having sex with this person is enough, even though deep down you yearn for more. You bottle up your feelings and continue on with your part-time unofficial girlfriend/boyfriend duties: you give this person your body, your time, and your attention. You put all of your eggs in this person’s basket. Then wake up one morning, scrolling through Facebook/Instagram just to find out they scrambled your eggs and ate them with someone else. You start to question why you weren’t good enough, or why’d they hurt after everything you guys been through. Then reality hit and you realize that person was never yours to begin with. As stated before, they gave you just enough to stay, but never committed to you. See friends with benefits only work if both parties are on the same page, and a lot of us make the mistake of being on page 30; Planning a wedding, while the other party is still on page 1 mesmerized solely on how good of a lay you are and how lucky they are to have you as a “friend”.
Okay, Okay. Onto a positive note. A recent study by Match.com found that 44% of FWB situations actually end up turning into long-term relationships. So it’s not all bad, but in reality the bad outweighs the good, unless there is a clear understanding on how this may or may not affect the friendship.
Despite everything that has been written in this blog, starting off as an FWB doesn’t mean you’re destined for disaster, at the end of the day all relationships have the potential of someone getting hurt. However, when it comes to friends with benefits we want to make sure our girls know what they’re getting into and how to make the best out of it.
Here are some guidelines on being friends with benefits:
- Do not start something casual with anyone you want something more with.
- Don’t Get too attached.
- Be open to talking about seeing other people.
- Refrain from having talks about the future.
- NO going on dates.
- Practice safe sex.
- No cuddling or sleepovers.
- No expectations!
- Prepare yourself emotionally.
- Set clear and concise boundaries.
These are our own guidelines for being in a friends with benefits situation, and they may not work for everyone. You can always set your own guidelines and go from there. Just remember that these types of relationships are all about respect and boundaries.
Remember ladies if you value the friendship, don’t enter into this arrangement, at the end you will most likely get hurt.
This is a blog that aims to create a sisterhood through experiences, so if you enjoyed this blog, share it with a friend and comment down below. Don’t be afraid to share your stories too!
